Dear Future Anei

Dear future Anei,

If you are reading this, I hope you can use this letter as a source of strength and clarity.

Do you remember when you were 14 years old and some vandals (that were never found) graffitied “niggers live here” on your family’s fence, with an arrow pointing directly to the house, and egged the front door and windows? Or how, at a Kwong Lee Dow Young Scholars event in 2015, a man thought you were a waiter at the function, and tried to give his plate to you, even though you were one of the scholars? In these experiences, you felt alone, singled out, “other” and another victim of the pervasive racism of this world. Consequently, it complements your imposter syndrome that you feel in spaces of difference, spaces where these experiences turn on neon, resplendent lights saying: NOT AGAIN, NOT AGAIN!

Anei, you will encounter racism (unfortunately) in the future, both professionally and personally. Whether that be with patients, strangers or sometimes even with perceived friends, I want you to seek out allies, those people who may not directly empathise with the racism that you experienced, but nonetheless sympathise with the shared humanity and value of equality and justice. They will make you feel less alone, singled out and “other”. Furthermore, do not allow your worth to be determined by the nefarious words that may come out the mouths of racists, if you can even call them words. Your worth is not contingent on a man that gave you a plate, thinking you were a waiter, or by the repugnant words that was written on your family’s fence. You are not below anyone, nor are you above anyone. You are on the same level. Trust yourself that you rightly and tenaciously earned a spot at the table, even though you often might be the only one of your kind.

Anei, do not neglect and lose yourself solely in the pursuit of medicine. Pursue your heart, soul, and spirit too. You can do this by investing in how you can be thoughtful and useful to people around you; whether that be with friends, families or patients and colleagues that you encounter professionally. Ask yourself: how do you want your family and friends to remember you and what do you want them to say in your eulogy? You cannot be at your best at work if medicine is all that you are. Of course, medicine is important, but relatedly, life relationships and doing hobbies that fulfill and energise you are just as paramount. Medicine is an act of service, customer service at its highest and most critical time. The only difference between you and the patients you serve is through the years spent in study and the opportunity to pursue such a career. This “God” complex that can be ubiquitous in medicine will only hinder your ability to provide the best care to patients, as you will be fuelled by arrogance, rather than confident humility and equality. This will never make you better than anyone.

Remember the journey of where you've come from thus far. What did it look like? How did you overcome the obstacles and restrictions that aimed to preclude you on this journey? If you ever feel like you have lost direction, I hope you take out this letter and reflect on the afore-mentioned questions. Take some deep diaphragmatic breaths, then, look at some old family photos, make a smoothie and know that you will be okay. Reach out for support when you need to because sometimes you can be obstinate in not doing this! Remember your values and what you stand for: equality, fairness, respect, and honesty. You are not the Greek titan Atlas, carrying the entirety of the world and its problems on your shoulders. You are human. You are flawed, but loved, regardless, by family and friends. You work diligently but take some time for yourself. Most importantly, you know more than you think, but there is endless learning to do and growth to encounter- there is always more to discover! Your imposter syndrome is only in your mind, and you deserve a seat at the table. Eat my friend

Until our paths collide…happiness always,

Present Anei, 2021.